Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
