my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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