if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize