So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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