We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
