her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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