she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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