That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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