You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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