Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
