So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize