I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
