you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
