guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
