We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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