Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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