i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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