I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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