you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
