you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
