I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
