How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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