Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My penis needs a shock collar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
