I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
