i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
