Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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