remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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