There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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