Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
