i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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