So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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