Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
