ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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