using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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