I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
