if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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