It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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