hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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