JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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