My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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