and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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