for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize