You made me cry and you don't even care
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
