dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
