this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize