doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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