you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize