So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
