I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
