I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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