I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
