i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
