apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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