hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
