How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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