You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
