Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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