Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
