Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
