we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize