just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
