between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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