HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
