drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
