can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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