The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
